


Jaheira's Thoughts

by liveinink



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23193796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveinink/pseuds/liveinink
Summary: Jaheira considers her grief for Khalid, and her feelings for the Bhaalspawn.
Relationships: Charname/Jaheira, Female Charname/Jaheira
Kudos: 6





	Jaheira's Thoughts

How long are you meant to grieve the death of a spouse? 

Months? Years? The rest of your life?

Do you feel the same pain forever, or does it ease into an ache at some point? Does the ache fade with time?

Do you always mourn the loss of a loved one but also heal from it? Do you move on?

Jaheira didn’t know. She’d only lost the one spouse. If Kivan was anything to go by, it wasn’t going to get much easier. But there were ways it was and wasn’t easier for her already. Living with Khalid’s loss. And she didn’t know if she was supposed to feel that way.

She missed him terribly. So often. Sometimes something would happen that would remind her of him, sometimes he entered her mind unbidden. Sometimes she wished he was there to share a moment with her, and his absence felt like a hole in her heart.

Other moments... Others moments she almost felt fine. Was that right? Was she supposed to almost feel fine? Already? It hadn’t been so very long ago he died, she wasn’t supposed to be coping with it well, not yet. It felt like betraying him. 

The number of people she had told before of grief feeling different for everyone, of people mourning in their own way at their own pace... and yet she didn’t feel any of her old advice quite right for her now. Maybe it was that she had a cause to work toward, a task to focus on, maybe that helped her feel less pained all the time. But didn’t Khalid deserve more from her? Would he want that from her?

The honest truth she knew was no. He would want her to move on. That didn’t stop her guilt. Nor did it stop the guilt she felt every time she spoke to Alleden. Looked at Alleden.

The elven aasimar Bhaalspawn was kind, brave, good, loyal... qualities which Khalid had possessed. She was a good friend, a good leader, a good listener. She was also extremely attractive. 

Pale gold skin, silver hair, golden eyes, celestial beauty, and a noble demeanor... Jaheira had of course noticed when they first met, but it was different then. Then it was simply a fact. Something that was immediately apparent, but had little effect on Jaheira. Now...

Now both Alleden’s inner and outer beauty had much too much of an effect on Jaheira. Something had changed between them, and Jaheira didn’t want to identify it as Khalid’s death. The fact that she was now single was one surrounded in tragedy. She shouldn’t be pursuing a new relationship so soon after Khalid’s death. Years from now, maybe. But now? It felt so cold. Like she wasn’t giving him the respect he deserved.  
Ant yet, rationally she couldn’t deny that the Khalid she knew would want her to be happy. He had said as much in the past. Given the nature of their lifestyles, they had discussed losing one another before. Khalid had always said he’d want her to find love again if she could.

But that knowledge didn’t automatically change how she felt. It was too fast, it had to be. 

“Jaheira?”

A warm voice broke her from her reverie.

Alleden, soft, strong, gentle Alleden stood before her, looking concerned, with a cat in her arms. 

“I found this little guy just off the road, can you heal him? I’ve only managed to improve it a bit.” 

The cat looked like he had a broken leg and some deep gashes. His ear was torn. Jaheira’s heart swelled, and she wasn’t sure if it was only out of sympathy for the cat.

“I can heal him.” 

The smile on Alleden’s face was almost was warm as Jaheira’s own healing magic. Jaheira’s heart swelled again.

This was going to be complicated.


End file.
